feeling bullied and losing hope…am I alone?

well it’s been a long time since I set this up and haven’t really used it. I have done some videos on YouTube the channel is kellys_kidney_crisis. I have been trying to share my journey and make going through dialysis more bearable by trying to help others and achieve 2 main goals. 1 – informing the world about how important kidneys are and educate about renal failure with dialysis and that i hope helps anyone about to start dialysis themselves. 2 – to have food companies display potassium content on their food wrappers to help make eating safer for those in kidney failure as potassium is deadly to us. However since the NHS facility i do dialysis at has changed to a private company Diverium it has become a business with huge lack on actual care. Your just a job not a person who is dying and needs a machine to keep you alive. I have been kind and patient but if I speak about anything that bothers me i am punished for it. They make up rules as they go and talk behind your back like a school yard. Plus the nurses that do actually care and are kind to you are punished for it so you feel guilty and isolated. At the moment I am scared of dialysis and feel so low I have to fight to utter despair of wanting to give up. I feel so insufficient and I just wanted to make my life and suffering mean something. I love to laugh and joke but I feel bullied and it’s tearing the fun caring me apart. I was crying and a mess and whilst there not one nurse looked up or showed any support. There all up the main guys back side and what he says goes. I hope that I kind find people interested in my journey and that I’m not so alone. Crazy rant I know and I promise I’m not this kind of person usually. I really hope for hope right now!